| sweet dudes and sweet ladies - defiance, ohio |
[07 Dec 2009|12:39am] |
tomorrow might be the day i die and i want, or rather must confide all these things i did or did not try to hide. well, if boys are boys and girls are girls then boys and girls are someimes confused, and i am confused most all the time.
well, let's get ne thing right. ur friends are good and their support is great, but the outcome is everything an that's left to me and you.
so if today is that day i dread,then at least is can be said that we did things right. we wrestled with our sense of pride and even if it didn't sound like a battle cry, still we did things right.
we hung up our relationships for everyone to see, then blind interpretaion couldn't say what's right for you and me, and we could find out what we want and make no apologies cause we couldn't coexist any other way.
i am currently wrestling with my sense of pride... big time. gotta get this weight lifted off my shoulders so i can breathe again. it honestly feels like someone is pressing on my heart, on my lungs, just pressing with the heel of their hand from the front and from the back, and not letting up. it's almost enough to make be nauseous, actually.
it's just take this longing from my tongue, all the useless things these hands have done, and let me see your beauty broken down. like you would do for one you loved...
|
|
|
[29 Nov 2009|10:35pm] |
its better to forget than fill your head with memories
think that you will thank me later
i wish that i could pick you up and fold you like a ribbon
i'd keep you always and in secret in the pockets of my clothes
but this is how i live my life, with all the parts that i was given
this is the heart that i was given, and what you're given can be sold
|
|
|
[29 Nov 2009|10:26pm] |
it’s a strange feeling to have my heart occupy so many places at once. Perhaps it is not so much in many places, but stretched between them. When I was little, I had the naïve notion that there was only enough heart in my chest for one person. But as I have loved over the years, to varying degrees and intensities, I have learned that this is not the case. I now think that this tightness in my chest is not an emptiness or a void, but a stretching. My heart is being pulled in so many directions, and that is where the difficulty, the pain, and the beauty all lie. From eight miles south, he has held on the longest, and tightest, refusing to let go. The measure of the grasp has varied, and there have been moments when I thought he was on the verge of letting go. Now, however, his hold is steady and persistent and comforting. Yet he claims an unequal segment, and at times I wish he would let go. One took my heart quickly and intensely and quite unexpectedly, didn’t mean to grab so tight, but stretched me four thousand miles to the northeast, so far that I actually felt my heart begin to tear. Another took hold twice and let go twice. My heart still feels the reverberations of that part coiling back into place. My heart is loosely held by one more and the uncertainty makes it uneasy.
It is this stretching, this pulling, this unbelievable tautness, that makes it hard to breathe sometimes. The slightest weight on my heart feels so heavy, and I don’t know how much more my heart can extend.
|
|
|
[26 Nov 2009|08:07pm] |
my fault unconditional lies, called a coward of many sorts, but unlike you i give too much and take much more dead weight on my shoulders. you gotta see this now, from up on my rooftop you're not half as big as you think you are, but as i look over the edge i wanna jump so badly
to get a better look at me being loved. let my love spill out. i call out to you. i bleed too real. i shut my eyes, hold my arms out wide. it's not all for naught.
|
|
|
[22 Nov 2009|08:51pm] |
|
disappointment is the worst.
|
|
|
[16 Nov 2009|06:28pm] |
|
And the men that I've known, they don't know what I meant, and cupid's arrow is backwards and bent when it's flying for me.
|
|
|
[06 Nov 2009|06:44pm] |
|
there's a box full of mix tapes with titles you came up with. they can show us where we came from but not how to get back there.listening to the songs can't heal my fingers. it's just weight for the anchor to keep your ship here.
|
|
|
[25 Oct 2009|08:52pm] |
|
"Often a man wishes to be alone and a girl wishes to be alone too and if they love each other they are jealous of that in each other, but i can truly say we never felt that. We could feel alone when we were togeher, alone against the others. It has only happened to me like that once. I have been alone while I was with many girls and that is the way that you can be most lonely. But we were never alonely and never afraid when we were together. I know that the night is not the same as the day: that all things are different, that the things of the night cannot be explained in the day, because they do not then exist, and the night can be a dreadful time for lonely people once their loneliness has started. But with Catherine there was almost no difference in the night except that it was an even better time. If people bring so much courage to this world the world has to kill them to break them, so of course it kills them. The world breaks every one ad afterward many are strong at the broken places. But those that will not break it kills. It kills the very good and the very gentle and the very brave impartially. If you are none of these you can be sure it will kill you too but there will be no special hurry." - Hemingway, A Farewell to Arms
|
|
|
[20 Sep 2009|09:30am] |
the seasons are always changing and my love's always rearranging and my heart has just been hanging and waiting. and our lives aren't burning and our world isn't turning, and i don't know about love, but i'm learning.
|
|
|
[05 Sep 2009|05:52pm] |
people, they make it sound so easy. they say just do what your heart tells you to. but sometimes you cannot feel it, sometimes you cannot hear it, sometimes it won't talk back to you.
saying goodbye is incredibly hard. my heart hurts. i feel like something is missing in me. why do all my best friends live so far away. and why can't i meet anyone that amazing who lives HERE?
in any case, i have some wonderful memories to comfort me. i wish this wasn't so hard.
|
|
|
[09 Jun 2009|01:38pm] |
|
smoke and drink the world away cause what the politicians say won't answer any of my questions like: why am i angry? what am i searching for? is there a better way to live? why am i hopeless? have i been waiting too long to strike back against this state of affairs?
|
|
|
[01 Jun 2009|10:36am] |
|
I need the steady of you, and I'd give you anything that I could cut with sweet precision from beneath my tender skin.
|
|
|
[13 May 2009|08:30am] |
lonesome, like you were when you were sixteen
and maybe even if i weren't listening
did i help when i was kissing you?
|
|
|
[17 Feb 2009|05:46pm] |
I can still feel your breath upon my neck
You can still smell the perfume in your bed
I can still see your footsteps in the yard
[You're the one that broke my heart]
|
|
|
[13 Feb 2009|05:33pm] |
it's been such a hard season and the bridges we burned might be all we had to keep us from drowning. but at least we had this time; and i'd like to think we're better off for it. i'll remember this. i'll remember this. i'll remember this. sometimes broken things make the best building supplies. and we'll keep on building. hearts aren't made of glass. they're made of muscle and blood and something else. and they don't so much as break as bend and tear. we have what it takes to keep it together and move on.
"Any relationship that matters - a friendship, a family, a romance, a band - anything - is a perilous and fragile thing because along with all the amazing experiences and creations that can come from something to intimate and exhausting comes the possibility for things to crumble and shatter or whither and die. When that happens, it's easy to forget what was precious amidst all the disaster. We should always carry our history with us, but never let it bury us."
|
|
|
[01 Feb 2009|08:55pm] |
i am in a place that feels so natural and so wrong
don't call my name
no, don't cal my name
you make it sound as if it hurts
and keep all your words
there's three that i heard
whether or not you said them out loud
they were "i don't care"
|
|
| JLM |
[26 Jan 2009|11:53pm] |
|
you got me where you want me but i ain't all there
my head is gone, my brain is friend, but i'm standing right here
you can touch me if you wanna, i don't really care
but i have ruined everything that i ever loved
i guess we have to play the cards we've been dealt
and i guess i got nothing but whatever happens happens
cause my life is falling apart
or is it getting better, i don't know
you can kiss me again if you want, i don't mind
you can kiss me again if you want, that'd be fine...
|
|
|
[21 Jan 2009|09:55pm] |
|
funny day, looking for laughter and finding it there
sunny day, braiding wild flowers and leaves in my hair
picked upa pencil and wrote "i love you" in my finest hand
wanted to send it, but i don't know where i stand
telephone, eben the sound of your voice is still new
all alone in california and talking to you
and feeling too foolish and strange to say the words that i had planned
i guess it's too early, cause i don't know where i stand
crickets call, courting their ladies in star-dappled green
thickets fall, until the morning comes up like a draem
all muted and misty, so drowsy now i'll take what sleep i can
i know that i miss you, but i don't know where i stand
|
|
|
[21 Jan 2009|08:57am] |
folk always told me that my heart would grow
the older the man, yeah, the stronger the stone
am i losing my mind?
am i growing backwards with time?
some say with age that our purpose comes clear
i see the opposite happening here
are we losing the fight?
are we growing backwards with time?
i was young and love was fun
now it's so serious
now all the fun has equal pain
there's something wrong with this
for all i know, there's more i don't
oh, the little i have learned
for every year of knowledge gained
there's a negative year i've earned
folk always told me that my heart would grow
the older the man, yeah, the stronger the stone
am i losing my mind?
|
|
|
[08 Jan 2009|05:26pm] |
my dear i miss you dearly
once i thought this breeze
would blow the orchard down
i guess the fire just never withered in me
when i die all i'll ever leave
is ash and tears that once was you and me
|
|
| navigation |
| [ |
viewing |
| |
most recent entries |
] |
| [ |
go |
| |
earlier |
] |
|
|
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
tbopalu's journal